The Funny Man January 25th, 2008
Things are looking a little better now for the American stock market. After the Fed’s interest rate cut the Dow ended up reversing its early Tuesday losses. But many people are understandably worried and thinking about taking the money they have invested in stocks and putting it in something a little safer. And since we here at Daily Dose always aim to please we’ve come up with five truly recession proof investment ideas.
Canned Goods And Bottled Water
Ever seen any post-apocalyptic movie were resources are scarce and people are digging through the remains of civilization? What are they always looking for? That’s right, canned goods and bottled water, the basic items for survival in a a dying world.
Stock markets might crash, the dollar might lose all it’s worth and even gold may become little more than a shiny door stopper. But canned good and bottled watered are only going to become more and more valued.
If you are investing in canned good, remember to have a nice variety. Sure, beans and franks are a necessary (and delicious) staple. But after years of eating just that people will be willing to pay premium for the luxury of, say, some canned peaches.
In the post apocalyptic world flatulence is just a sign of wealth.
Guns and Ammo
But having canned goods, bottled water and anything else of value is worthless if you don’t have the means to protect them when society suffers a complete break down and the police is dismantled. Guns and ammo are going to be a highly desirable resource, especially by the richer people who have a lot to protect. And those are exactly the kind of people that can pay a lot for them!
If you are investing in guns, go for something heavier, such as assault rifles and machine guns. Remember, the guns are not intended to protect your family from the odd bugler, they are for protecting your goods from hordes of desperate starving things that are barely human anymore.
Hordes of desperate starving things that are barely human anymore waiting to audition for American Idol
Booze
Sure, in a recession less people will be able to afford alcohol. On the other hand, the dire financial conditions will drive a great number of new people into alcoholism. So it’s a wash!
It’s advisable to stock some hard liquor since as time goes by people might decide that beer just doesn’t offer enough drunkenness for the buck.
Santa prepares himself to “deal” with the recession.
Smart-Ass Bumper Stickers
As the situation becomes worst people will feel the need to do something about it. Some of those people will go out there and participate on protests, political campaigns and other organized movements. Most people will put a bumper sticker on their car and complain to their immediate family.
Here once again diversity pays off. Some people might be inclined to earnest condemnations of the situation while others are drawn to more humorous outbursts. And some people might search for something that says “I’m aware of the problem but not too sure what to do about it and I think we must not be too hasty and do something without thinking a lot about it.” Be ready to fulfill all needs.
Your Own Church
It’s a well known fact that people often turn to spirituality in times of great hardships. And although you will never be able to compete with the big religions, the coming recession should generate enough new religious people for even smaller outfits to turn a nice profit.
The best approach in this arena is to fill a niche that the major religions aren’t filling. For example, most religions have strict rules regarding sexual conduct. So why not come up with a religion that has more liberal sexual mores? Or how about a religion where bacon is a sacred food that must be consumed every day? By creative here.
And don’t forget, your faithfuls are can be very useful in a myriad of ways beyond giving you money and other types of properties. For example, they might be used as your own private army in the war against the crazy cannibal looters. Or to fix your bathroom plumbing. The trick is too recognize the talents of each individual in order to extract as much use of him/her as possible.
Your cathedral will probably not look like this.
Photo credit: Ian Fuller, bamakodaker, Delgoff., Voxphoto and Stuck in Customs.
