The Funny Man February 4th, 2008
You know, I was afraid this might be a boring blowout, so I was hoping for a tight game. But they weren’t supposed to actually win goddammit.
If I may be serious for just a sec, congrats to the Giants. Amazing game.
The Funny Man November 19th, 2007
Most gossip mags have been more than happy to report on the travails of Britney Spears over the last few years. These disreputable rags never stopped to wonder what the hell was going on behind the scenes that could cause such a catastrophic fall for the once beloved star. After all, celebrities destroying themselves sell copies, don’t they? So why go deeper.
But not us. Here at Daily Dose we have a little something called journalistic integrity. And after months of exhaustive journalistic work we can finally reveal the truth: Britney Spears was kidnapped by aliens!
As far as we can tell, it happened at some point during 2004. The real Britney was taken in the middle of the night and replaced with an alien copy cat. The alien Britney soon proceeded to get married and have kids with Kevin Federline, in an attempt to better infiltrate the human species. Apparently at this points the Aliens were somewhat clueless about humanity and all things related to it, which explains why them, unlike every single human being on earth, were unable to realize that Kevin Federline was a giant douche.
The alien Britney kept low for the following two years, spending most of her time trying to learn more about human culture. After those years the aliens decided that in order for their plan to work they would need to get Britney back into public consciousness . They also realized that they weren’t the only ones that hated Federline, and proceeded to arrange a divorce.
In it’s attempt to regain the spotlight, alien Britney studied the news closely, and then decided to imitate the behavior of the person that, based on news coverage, was the most important being on earth: Paris Hilton. That didn’t turn out so well. She also started doing some public performances, most notably the 2007’s VMAs. That also didn’t go so well.
In fact, despite being on earth for more than three years now, alien Britney is still struggling with even simple human tasks. Driving, for example, has proven to be a continuously mystifying activity.
Most recently alien Britney suffered another setback when Kevin Federline managed to win the custody of their two children. The custody hearing were apparently going well for a-Brit until she mentioned that she intend to sacrifice the first born on his tenth birthday to the god of war Axzerothoghough, not realizing that was not the custom on earth.
After hearing all that you might be wondering: what did the aliens hope to accomplish with this kidnapping? Well, Daily Dose has just obtained the power point slide that reveals the alien plan in all of it’s sordidness:
Now you now the truth. Spread it!
