Archive for the 'Pretty Pictures' Category
Political Stickers - Thinking Outside the Box
The Funny Man February 4th, 2008
Super Tuesday is right around the corner, so it’s time for that final push before a massive amount of voters go to the polls. And you know what the candidates need in order to make that push? Yes, that’s right, new bumper stickers.
In my position as equal opportunity political consultant I have come up with a few possibilities for each candidate.
And let’s not forget the dark horse of the 2008 election.
The campaigns should feel free to use any one of these. I won’t even charge anything.
The last sticker was a rip-off tasteful homage to this, which, in fact, inspired this whole post.
Nothing Says I Care Like a Mass Produced Bumper Sticker
The Funny Man November 22nd, 2007
Nothing I can say could possible make this one better
I get the feeling this wasn’t glued on by the owner of the car.
Totally getting one of these for my car.
They certainly seem well matched.
I mean, how would we show that we are good people without them?
So many things to say, so little car.
She also said she was 14 and at no time did she reveal she was with the FBI.
I’ve had a few of those.
It couldn’t possibly be.
Finally a ticket I can get behind.
Glad you warned me.
That seems like a sound approach.
Surprisingly, it actually is. And Jesus’ middle name? Fucking.
Better living through chemistry.
That happened to me once.
Tautologically true.
Or just take a pill.
What the hell, let’s be generous and go for a Senator.
Unfortunately, you are the only one.
Photo credit: uberculture, Malingering, Scott Beale / Laughing Squid, FutureAtlas, richardmasoner, niznoz, blmurch, iirraa, mmarchin, mahalie, chittim, iirraa, Matt Garland, pinkbelt, teach42, Jurischk, Napalm filled tires, ekai, cdozo
Warning!
The Funny Man August 18th, 2007
This big world of ours is filled with dangers, many of them unknown for most us. But don’t fret, warning signs writers are on the case.
Danger: This man will levitate your dog!
And really, what are the odds it isn’t?
You Never Know, One of These Might Come in Handy if You Ever Find Yourself Homeless
The Funny Man August 15th, 2007
I think we can all agree that is sad that, for whatever reason, some people find themselves in the position of having to beg for money. And yet, that doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate when one of those people brings some “creativity” to the endeavor.
And he is going to need a lot of lessons. Those midget ninjas are fierce.
Don’t we all Bill? Don’t we all.
He will also drink for beverage.
The lengths that people will go to get drugs. Work? (shudder)
I guess this one wasn’t working that well…
Sure, he says he will make slushies. But you know these homeless snowmen, they never keep their promises.
Although honestly, if the family has already been eaten, its kind of late for a new closet door.
Only 98 cents? Man, that is just bad luck.
One year later and he is nowhere closer to getting his wife back! But at least someone gave him a nicer sign.
Some “Interesting” Uses of Quotation Marks
The Funny Man July 23rd, 2007
“Sexy” Artificial Trees
Because everybody knows that only real trees are really sexy.
The “Ice Cream” Station
The cops didn’t like them calling it The Crack Cocaine Station.
“Christmas” Party
By which they mean drinking beer until you are unconscious instead of spending time with your family party.
Bierbar “Ass”
Hehe, he said “ass”.
“Quality” Nuts and Fruits
Just be glad that the quotation marks aren’t around fruits or nuts.
Check out the return of our “spices”
You don’t want to know.
The item you have been waiting for has “arrived”
And by “arrived” we mean we had it for weeks but didn’t bother telling you before.
“Quality” at “1/3″ of the Cost
You know, as much quality as your are ever going to get for this price. And by 1/3 they really mean more like 1/2. But it’s still cheap!
“Lean” Beef, “Tender” Chicken, “Fresh” Noodles
Really, lean, tender and fresh are all a matter of perspective…
Beware of “Dog”
It’s really a cat. But a very mean spirited one! He could totally scratch your eyes out!
Faith Baptist “Church”
Hey, I’m not the one saying it.
“Sorry” but there will be no pumpkin soup served today!
He is not really sorry, but his boss forced him to write it.
“Sorry” Credit Machine “Not” Working
This one actually makes sense. “Not” working means it’s working, but people are obviously too stupid to use it. “Sorry” means he is not sorry at all.
Beware of Fall-ing “Ice”
Generally when people say ice they mean it’s made of water. But really, it doesn’t have to be.
For a Special Daughter and “Son”
Well, I married your father so I guess I’m your “mother”.
Just because they are free doesn’t mean you have to use them around every. Single. Word.
