Daily Dose Of Funny

The Funny Man November 30th, 2007

As I was lazily flipping through radio stations today I came across this little ditty.

The chorus, for the video challenged among you, goes like this:

Baby where’d you get your body from?
Tell me where’d you get your body from.
Baby where’d you get your body from?
Tell me where’d you get your body from.
I got it from my mama.
I got it from my mama.
I got it from my mama.
I got it got it…

And here is a little bit more:

If the girl real fine,
Nine times out of ten,
She fine just like her mama.

And if her mama real ugly,
I guarantee ya she gon’ be ugly like her mama, like her mama…

Deep, deep stuff.

The song is called “I Got It From My Mama” and it’s from will.i.am. Will is, of course, one of the famed Black Eyed Peas, and therefore at least complicit in the creation of that other gem, My Humps.

You know, in times like these I’m often put in a nostalgic mood, as I remember how much more meaningful lyrics used to be in the days of yore. For example:

I’ve got big balls
I’ve got big balls
They’re such big balls
And they’re dirty big balls
And he’s got big balls
And she’s got big balls
But we’ve got the biggest balls of them all

It’s like he is talking about me, man.

• Insights
• Comments(0)

The Funny Man November 22nd, 2007

Nothing I can say could possible make this one better

I get the feeling this wasn’t glued on by the owner of the car.

Totally getting one of these for my car.

They certainly seem well matched.

I mean, how would we show that we are good people without them?

So many things to say, so little car.

She also said she was 14 and at no time did she reveal she was with the FBI.

I’ve had a few of those.

It couldn’t possibly be.

Finally a ticket I can get behind.

Glad you warned me.

That seems like a sound approach.

Surprisingly, it actually is. And Jesus’ middle name? Fucking.

Better living through chemistry.

That happened to me once.

Tautologically true.

Or just take a pill.

What the hell, let’s be generous and go for a Senator.

Unfortunately, you are the only one.

Photo credit: uberculture, Malingering, Scott Beale / Laughing Squid, FutureAtlas, richardmasoner, niznoz, blmurch, iirraa, mmarchin, mahalie, chittim, iirraa, Matt Garland, pinkbelt, teach42, Jurischk, Napalm filled tires, ekai, cdozo

• Pretty Pictures
• Comments(14)

The Funny Man November 19th, 2007

Most gossip mags have been more than happy to report on the travails of Britney Spears over the last few years. These disreputable rags never stopped to wonder what the hell was going on behind the scenes that could cause such a catastrophic fall for the once beloved star. After all, celebrities destroying themselves sell copies, don’t they? So why go deeper.

The real, sweet and talented Britney. She would never marry Kevin Federline.

But not us. Here at Daily Dose we have a little something called journalistic integrity. And after months of exhaustive journalistic work we can finally reveal the truth: Britney Spears was kidnapped by aliens!

As far as we can tell, it happened at some point during 2004. The real Britney was taken in the middle of the night and replaced with an alien copy cat. The alien Britney soon proceeded to get married and have kids with Kevin Federline, in an attempt to better infiltrate the human species. Apparently at this points the Aliens were somewhat clueless about humanity and all things related to it, which explains why them, unlike every single human being on earth, were unable to realize that Kevin Federline was a giant douche.

Kevin Federline: “I scored myself some alien hoo-ha bro. High five!”

The alien Britney kept low for the following two years, spending most of her time trying to learn more about human culture. After those years the aliens decided that in order for their plan to work they would need to get Britney back into public consciousness . They also realized that they weren’t the only ones that hated Federline, and proceeded to arrange a divorce.

In it’s attempt to regain the spotlight, alien Britney studied the news closely, and then decided to imitate the behavior of the person that, based on news coverage, was the most important being on earth: Paris Hilton. That didn’t turn out so well. She also started doing some public performances, most notably the 2007’s VMAs. That also didn’t go so well.

Alien Britney caught without her full human costume on.

In fact, despite being on earth for more than three years now, alien Britney is still struggling with even simple human tasks. Driving, for example, has proven to be a continuously mystifying activity.

Alien Britney tries (unsuccessfully) to open her car with an umbrella. It’s not clear why she thought the two were related.

Most recently alien Britney suffered another setback when Kevin Federline managed to win the custody of their two children. The custody hearing were apparently going well for a-Brit until she mentioned that she intend to sacrifice the first born on his tenth birthday to the god of war Axzerothoghough, not realizing that was not the custom on earth.

After hearing all that you might be wondering: what did the aliens hope to accomplish with this kidnapping? Well, Daily Dose has just obtained the power point slide that reveals the alien plan in all of it’s sordidness:

Now you now the truth. Spread it!

• The News
• Comments(0)